generosity

Those who really know me take me serious when I say everything, I mean everything in me is on that wheel that is re-shaping molding and changing.

A song that has been an anthem of mine these past few weeks from Daniel Bashta called Christ in me says " brokenness is what i want, do a work here in my heart."

This Christmas my church did a sorta series about generosity. Although very simple, these four weeks in December were extremely influential to Jared and I. Our pastor outlined what our lives would look like if we thought about our finances the way the gospel instructs us to. It lit a fire inside of me that really shed light on the areas that I needed to re- think.

I have always had this desire to live simply, real and authentic. To chase after what is of the spirit and live deeply in it. I have also always had a yucky pull toward the exact opposite, every thing material, carnal and fake what fades and turns to ash. This has been my internal battle against myself and what motivates me.

We realized that even most of our so called giving is done very selfishly. This Christmas Jared and I decided to take what we would have given each other and really give. For us that meant to give away, to something that we believed in and had a need and that was not in our direct line of benefit. I look at Jesus when he tells us to give freely because we have freely received and I am in awe of that. Mostly because I can admit that there is not much of "free giving" in our lives. Giving that is with out an agenda, with out expectations or entitlement, real giving away.

This was so real to us. It was that big jab that allowed my desire to follow after what is real win against its battle with the carnal man.

This tiny victory set in motion a number of things in our lives to be re- worked. As we felt the truth ring in our hearts over this generosity and real giving subject it became clear to us that the gospel is so clear in instructing us to live our lives simply so that we have the space to have a constant flow of generosity. ALL THE TIME. So realistically for me, if I loved my neighbor like I do myself I would also budget for neighbors like I do myself.

Its quite amazing when we count our needs simply our needs, not including all of our wants. Jared has this God given nature to live simple and for that I am so so very great full, just this morning he said to me"babe its not ours anyway."

I love the timing of this process that is changing me. I love that in the very time of my life I should be tempted to nest in all of the accessories women feel are necessary to become a mom Im setting my focus on what I have freely received, what I have in him and my husband and what are my needs; air, a roof, health, life, love, support.

So what can I freely give?

Shanda